Birthday Q&A with Kris

Hey everyone, and welcome to this special actual Fluency podcast episode. When I turned 29 this week, I asked you guys to send in any questions you might have about language learning, traveling, gaming, I don't know, whatever you guys wanted. So, I got a lot of questions and I took the 10 best questions and I put them into this episode.

So, among other things today, you're going to listen to my views on how to learn a language together as a couple. Um, why do Danish people still prefer to live somewhere else even though Denmark is routinely ranked the happiest country in the world? Um, how do you combine gaming with travel? And um if you could only speak one language, what language would it be? And many other cool questions. So, I hope you enjoyed this little special episode.

And if you want to check it out, the questions, all of them, you can go to actualfluency.com/ama, which is for ask me anything, and there'll be a sort of a a little list of all the questions I got, even the ones that didn't make it to the episode. So, thank you everyone who's sending questions, and I hope you enjoy this little special episode that kind of covers a lot of different topics. So, have fun with it, and uh I'll see you in the next episode.

Hey guys, just a quick announcement before we continue. If you want to improve your memory exponentially and discover the memory improvement secret, then go to actualfluency.com/memory, where memory expert Anthony Metivier is offering two hours of free audio content to help you boost your memory forever.

Alright, well, let's get to it. The first email or a question comes from Demetrius and he asks, "I'd like to see if you can talk about Denmark, despite being last year's happiest country. Why might some Danes actually be happier living somewhere else?" Um, thank you for the question Demetrius and then the nice wishes.

Um, this is a kind of a question that comes up a lot, especially from far away from Denmark. You know, a lot of Americans have heard about Denmark as this kind of paradise and the happiest place. And sometimes it's just the Nordic countries, you know, we're kind of generalizing that way. Uh, but sometimes Denmark is specifically singled out as a very happy country and um, we constantly top the lists in these um polls.

But I would say that there are a few reasons why I find these a little bit misleading. First of all, then the Danish culture is not to be super open about your troubles or problems, uh not to your friends and definitely not to a random stranger interviewing you for the happiness surveys or whatever the the company is called. Um, so the response you're going to get is probably going to be quite average, like, yeah, we're doing fine, thank you, you know.

And things are great in Denmark objectively because we've got a socialist state, which some, and some people are not huge fans of, and, you know, as being a conservative myself, it's it's kind of interesting that I favor this system. But I think having a state that is kind of socialist is for the benefit of everyone, as long as it's not ridiculously socialist. Uh, you know, you don't want to go into like the communist, uh, rules and regimes, but if you have a system that takes care of its weakest, uh, citizens then I think you have a pretty great system, and especially if it's advantageous to actually work, and if it's actually advantageous to uh, not sit on your sofa and do nothing.

And ambition is also important. Unfortunately, having a very socialist, and I didn't want any of these to be super political or anything, but one of the problems that does happen in Denmark because of this socialist state is so secure, it's so safe, we have a lot of people on benefits. And I know this happens in other socialist countries as well. And the the the reason that you can't really blame the people for that is because the the benefits are just too damn high.

Like, um, there was a a famous study a couple years ago, somebody posted that they would make a completely irrelevant amount more from working compared to benefits. And I I think that benefit should be emergency aid, basically. I think that benefits should be, if you can't find a job to save your life, if you can't support yourself due to illness or or whatever, then benefits are there to help that you don't starve, basically.

But unfortunately, in in countries like Denmark, the benefits have also turned into money to go to cafes, uh money to buy new iPhones and PlayStations, and basically a lot of these this generation of of benefit cheats as they as they're sometimes called, basically just use it as a salary from the state. You can call it some kind of universal income, but since it's not universal, I would I would say that it's it's not really hitting the mark.

But anyway, back to the question. Um, is Denmark happier than other places? I don't honestly know. Uh, being here in Denmark I can say that life is good, people are usually very content. Uh, they are very unlikely to say if their life if they feel any bad things. So, again, that's why I think it might be able to um skew the results a little bit.

What is good about Denmark is definitely the universal health care. We're very secure in that sense. We don't have to worry about getting sick. We don't have to worry about not being able to support ourselves in that way. And you know, the weather it's kind of boring at the most of times, but it doesn't get terribly cold, you know, minus degrees are actually quite rare. And if they do come, it's only a couple of degrees, you know, it's not Siberia or going north anyway. So, the weather is also kind of mild and nice.

I would say that one thing that does happen when you have a very secure system and a very sort of content society is that ambition is somewhat lowered. And I talked about this before, but my thesis, and this is completely, you know, me, is that countries like America where the the social classes have a bigger there's a bigger diversity in social classes, whereas Denmark is basically one big middle class with a very small upper class, then the US is a huge divide, basically, you know, there's a huge lower class, there's a huge middle class, there's a huge upper class as well.

And I think that that causes more general you know, of course it's it's terrible in many ways, but I think it also causes people to be to build and foster like ambitious, um, mindsets. You know, it's kind of the land of the opportunity, it's the land of the free, you know, you came from nothing and you made it into something.

And I think when you live in Denmark, sometimes there's a big bias in following the script, you know, go to university, get a safe job, quote unquote, and and just kind of get consumer debt and just live your life like that, and don't really experience anything, or try to become more, and there's this saying of Yantelov, which is um, it's an old uh, yeah, I'm not really sure how it works, but basically a couple of a long time ago, there was this law, and it basically said you don't you're not supposed to be think yourself higher than anyone else. So, it's kind of a modesty thing.

And there's nothing wrong with that, I like humility as well, I think it's important, actually one of the most important things. But I also think that I would like to see more ambition, and I would it's also about entrepreneurship, you know, whereas uh the US, I keep referring to US because to me it's like one of the most progressive Western countries, you know, they're very on the beat regarding technology and innovation and stuff like that.

And I think that living in a country where a lot of people are choosing themselves and they become entrepreneurs or freelancers or something, pushes the needle in in favor of that, where people see more opportunity and they they realize they can do more things than just the script, you know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with getting a good degree, getting a good job, and living your life that way, but for me, I just want more, and I find that in Denmark, a lot there are just not that many people who are in that same, um, who share that ambition.

And it could be because we don't have a huge history of entrepreneurship, of course we have some, like every country has, but it's just not on the same magnitude as the online communities that I've kind of been checking out. And and the idea that you can you know, make money blogging and stuff. It it may be a little bit of an old story in America, but in Denmark, it's actually quite new, and people are sort of confused by it if I talk about my blog or podcast or anything like that.

So, to make a really uh long story short, or actually, I guess I spoke forever, so it's a long story long, is that I don't think Denmark is particularly happier than any other places, but I think we have systems in place that allow us to worry about other shit than where to get food and and and health care, which are important things, I will can I will um agree to, but I don't think we just fundamentally happier. It's just we start to worry about other things.

Like there's a lot like uh somebody mentioned this recently, like if the northern countries are so happy, how come like half the population is on anti-depressants? And I think this happens in in developed Western countries. The US also has a a larger amount of people on anti-depressants. And I think it happens when you feel like you should be doing more, or you it's like what is this just it, basically, you know, or is there more to it? And when people they might not be able to fulfill these inner ambitions, or they just society society doesn't really condition them to it, they might be just simply get some kind of rut. And yeah, there you go.

So, I don't know, Demetrius, to be honest, I don't know what the difference is, uh, but Denmark is a nice country, I can tell you that, but if the people are happier, I don't I don't know about that one. Uh, that will have to stand up to uh, to the time. So, thank you for your question and uh, let's go to the next next one.

This question is from Michelle Alcido. "Happy birthday!" Thank you. "My husband and I want to start a Spanish learning project together. He's a pilot, so a lot of our study time is going to be remote. Any suggestions on the best way to get started?"

Well, um, first of all, I'd say I don't really have much experience in kind of couple's language learning. I think that's a it's a super great way to stay motivated and and kind of have a fun project that you can share. Uh, and of course you have a speaking partner already. Uh, but I don't have any actual experience with it. So, this is going to be a little bit of a a jam session, you know, I don't really um, I haven't done it before.

But I do have some ideas, and the first is I would say you want to be speaking to your partner in Spanish as soon as possible. And this could be through texts or uh Skype or whatever that you can make work. But the important part is just that you you try to sort of embrace Spanish early on.

And a good book that might be very helpful for you is Benny Lewis's book, uh, Language Hacking in Spanish because it is very much built around the concept of building up this early script or vocabulary that allows you to have basic conversation. And if you went through it together, you could can compare notes and you could build your own scripts and you can kind of most of the dialogues in the uh text have two speakers. So, you can kind of switch between them. So, I would say that's a pretty good book for that.

Alternatively, there are probably other books that will do the same trick, like Teach Yourself or Colloquial or or that. They will teach you these kind of basic sentences. What I like about Benny's book is that it's very new and it's very modern. And he uses concepts of language hacking to kind of move ahead quickly instead of just teaching you old sentences. So, that's a good way to get started.

What I would say is because you're going to be away from each other and and study, it's incredibly important that you communicate and keep each other accountable the times when you're not actually physically at the same location. So, for instance, if you set yourself a goal to have a conversation about, I don't know, whatever, it could be your hobbies or movies you really like or why you like them. Uh, be sure to communicate on email, WhatsApp or or text, whatever you do, uh, regularly and then kind of be accountability partners for each other.

And then when you do have time to talk or communicate, set aside a little bit of time. Of course, you don't want to make your turn your entire relationship into Spanish from day one because you also want to kind of, you know, go deep and talk about how you're feeling that day and and and bigger events. But set aside a a couple of minutes, if you have the opportunity to Skype or call regularly. Set aside, you know, maybe it's five minutes in the beginning, maybe you can build it out to to more, where you just have these basic conversations and and try to build on it.

Uh, one resource that you might uh want to consider is uh the blog of Bill Price. Uh, that's P R I C E. And Bill's a really cool guy who was learning German with his wife. So, you can check that out. Uh, that he has some tips about couple language learning or partner language learning that you might want to check out because I'm not really the best resource for that.

But it's it will be a challenge for you, but if you embrace it together and and and stay accountability partners in that way, and maybe follow some kind of book like the Benny book I talked about, then um, I think you'll be very successful because learning together is really much more motivational than learning alone. You just get a much bigger sense of uh, like success really, because you start to use the language very quickly. You have a a victim, so to speak, to use it with.

So, thank you for the thank you for the message, Michelle, and I hope you and your husband are fluent in Spanish as quickly as possible, or at least as quickly as you'd like. And uh, yeah, thank you, and let's move on to the next one.

Here's a question from Aiden Sweeney, and uh, first of all, thank you for the email. And he says, "Hi Chris, I'm curious how you combine gaming with travel. It's not practical to carry around a console around, or console, as some people say, especially not if flying, it's not like we can put a PS4 in our overhead luggage. I thought about getting a portable of some sort but never find the offers attractive. How about you?"

Well, first of all, I I I need to make a confession that I am in fact a PC gamer and I've never actually owned or I never own console consoles for a significant amount of time, and if I did, I never really played them, because I felt like PCs were always able to do what consoles did, but more. So, when I was about six or maybe even five, I got my first computer. So, that was way back when computers were actually pretty damn new, you know, personal computers anyway.

And um, I remembered it had, I think it had a 166 MHz processor, which at the time was pretty good, you know, that was a Pentium 3 or something, or two maybe, and it was really blazing fast, and it was a really cool computer. And then I was upgraded to 200 MHz, I remember. And then it sort of went crazy, you know, if you've seen some of these graphs about how computers developed in MHz, and now we're up to like what, 3,000 or something, uh, as a general standard, but you can obviously get more. And and we have, you know, six to eight cores now. So, we have essentially not only is it what, 30 times bigger, it's also eight times that because you have eight eight unique cores in there.

So, uh, anyway, that was a bit of a tangent, but I know for traveling and gaming, yeah, it doesn't really work together. That's the that's the thing, like, if you if you really like gaming and you're into uh, popular online games, like Counter-Strike, Go, Dota 2, or League of Legends, or World of Warcraft, these are the sort of the most popular competitive games right now, then you just really don't have a choice. You can either get a nice desktop, which doesn't cost that much, but you'd have to log it around and check it in every time. Or you'd simply get a gaming laptop, which are very popular right now.

Um, but they're so expensive, like, if I think if you take what the components for a desktop cost, then you take the same components in a gaming laptop, you'd essentially be spending twice the money for the same kind of performance, and even then, you get worse performance. I last year, I had one of the best gaming laptops I've ever owned, and I paid about 1,000 Euros for it. And it was still not very good. Like, it would run the games, but it wouldn't run them very well. So, you know, that's kind of terrible.

So, for for gaming on the road, there's just nothing, you know, honestly, like you say, you can't bring your PS4 if you're a console gamer. And the portables are kind of gimmicky, you know, that you don't really get the same feeling. I do remember having a Game Boy back in the day, uh, sort of 20 years ago, and that was cool, you know, I really liked the Game Boy. But I just don't feel hooked to the newest systems and Yeah, so I'm sorry that I couldn't help you out here, but uh, I would say, if you travel a lot and you really like gaming, uh, on PC, well then consider a gaming laptop. They are they have shrunk enough in in size that you can actually carry them around, they are portable now.

If you're a console gamer, I don't know about this new Nintendo Switch. It looks like it's quite portable and it plays similar games, but um, as I said, I'm not a console gamer, so I don't really know. But the truth is, when you travel, it's very hard to play games, it's hard to be a gamer, as they say. Uh, but, you know, I I try to just play different games if I want to game a bit. For instance, I'm playing a lot of chess, or not a lot, but I'm playing more chess now than I used to. Uh, because you can play that in any browser, any device.

Uh, or I might even play some Tetris, which is something that I've been playing a bit more these days. And I know that's, you know, that's that's a good excuse for endless mockery. But actually, I like the way that Tetris forces you to keep improving because, you know, playing a perfect game of Tetris is not about uh, you don't just do it and then you're done, because you can always improve your score, your time. So, I'm terrible at it, but I kind of like the the gaming challenge that is kind of similar to the challenge you get in more modern games, but it's easier to play Tetris, you know, you can play it on your phone or on any laptop, any browser. So, yeah, thanks for the question and uh, I hope some of that was useful. If not, then sorry about it, it's just really hard to be a gamer who travels, but uh, good luck with it, and uh, thank you for thank you for the question.

Uh, so this next question comes from Tim, and he says, "Hey Chris, I hope you have a happy and healthy birthday tomorrow." Thank you. I am very healthy, I think. Uh, "If you could only speak one language and could never speak any other language, what would that language be? Why would you want it to be that language? What resources would you use to learn that language to an advanced level, and where would you live permanently to utilize that language?"

Um, so it's a great question, and I think this is going to be kind of a, I guess, a boring answer in a way, because I'm going to say English. And the reason that I say English is because I really like English, and I really think that if you know English, then you really can do anything in this world. Like sometimes when we in the language learning community, English gets downplayed a little bit, and people kind of make make fun of it a little bit. It's kind of like the McDonald's of languages, you know?

Uh, but I I find it great as a non-native speaker. It's an amazing language. I can really, really express myself in English, whereas in my home in my own language, it's some sometimes kind of tough. And um, the reason that I would choose English is just because it's so abundant, and the culture is so rich. There are so many people speaking it, and everyone like it's the most learned language. Like, there are more people in the world learning English than any other language. So, that shows you the power of it, and I I I definitely believe that if you know English, you have so many opportunities.

You could probably make that argument for many other languages. Like Spanish, for instance, so many Spanish speakers, Chinese, because, you know, everyone's going to speak Chinese soon. Um, I don't think the language itself matters that much, but because I was asked and I really love English, then I'm going to have to go with English. Uh, because if I only spoke one language, then I would be I wouldn't be too unhappy if it were English, you know. Uh, so that's good for all you uh English speakers out there. Or the people who only speak English and would definitely not be listening to this show. But uh, I would say it's a pretty strong language and you should really enjoy it uh if you can.

Uh, where would you live? I think I would live in the UK. If I could choose where to live, I would strongly consider places like Canada. I think Canada is, from my limited experience, is awesome. And it reminds me a little bit of kind of a North American uh Denmark almost, because you have a lot of social systems in place that allow people to live without too many worries, but you also have North American ambition, you have lots of these popular chains that I really like, like Starbucks, for instance, I think is, you know, it doesn't have to be Starbucks. It could be any chain, too, Cuppo or Double Cuppo or whatever it's called. Um, but it's it would that would probably be where.

But unfortunately, visas and stuff exist. So, if I had to be realistic, I would probably go for the UK. And this is actually a plan I have, I do want to live in the UK. Uh, just because it's kind of like um, it's the most I think it's the most progressive in terms of development, innovation, entrepreneurship, opportunity. And it's very, you know, you got the NHS. Okay, it gets criticized like hell, but it's cheap health care or affordable health care, even free health care in many cases. So, that's that's where I would live.

What resources I would use to learn the language to an advanced level? I actually thought about this lately that I should improve my English. Like, obviously, my spoken English is is quite good, but I still make mistakes. And uh the problem that I have right now is my accent, which is a very strange accent. Like, what would you call my accent? Is it some kind of Americanism or but there are some words that I speak with a very British accent, like I say water, usually.

Um, so I don't know, but it seems like my default is some kind of hybrid, which is when I speak fast, I will not have a very English pronunciation for sure. But if I speak slowly and methodically, then I could have a stronger English accent. But it's yeah, I don't know. That that's going to be up to you. But I would want to be better, I'd love to be more consistent at my writing, and I would love to learn more about how to do like commas and some of the more trickier pieces of writing. Uh some of my sentences are just horrible, and I end up making too many breaks or not enough breaks, and and I think that that could definitely be improved to put my English at a higher level.

Uh, so Tim, I hope that answers your questions. And uh, thank you so much for the email and the well wishes. I hope that you are healthy and happy as well. And uh, yeah, let's move on to the next one.

Um, so Jazz asks, "Hey, happy birthday, Chris!" Thank you. "I'm real happy to ask my language question. I was going to join use BaseLang as I'm going to learn Spanish by conversation, but the site was down. I've read that the bandwidth is so-so in Venezuela, and the electrical power is not the most reliable. So, I'm searching. I've discovered a few other options. iTalki, Spanish Plus, Verbling. Where should I go for good, best online one-on-one conversations? Thanks thanks in advance, kind regards, Jazz, and again, happy birthday."

Well, thank you so much, Jazz. Um, um, merci beaucoup. Um, this is a good question. I am kind of a partner in BaseLang, so uh, disclaimer that my answer is going to be slightly biased based on that. Um, but if we I'll I'll talk on that at the end. I don't have any experience with Verbling, so I can't say anything about it, except that they seem to be very similar to iTalki.

Um, and this is always tough in the language learning industry, you know, when you have companies that offer more or less the same thing, how do you as a language encourager or a blogger, how do you single one of them out? What I would say is iTalki I don't know Spanish Plus at all, I don't even know what it is. So, I won't be talking about that. But iTalki I can talk about because I have had great experiences with them. I've met them on several occasions and I think they're probably the best bet for sort of um independent language tutoring. You can of course hire your tutor for many hours, many lessons on iTalki.

But the difference between BaseLang and iTalki, I would say is that BaseLang is where you go if you want to have a structured and really kind of intense improvement of your Spanish. Uh and I think iTalki is where you go if you want to have less lessons, but perhaps a little bit more free and flexible. So, you know, some days you might do a certain amount of hours, some days you might do others amounts of hours. Uh and of course a lot of tutors to choose from on iTalki, where and of course on BaseLang there is also, but depends on availability and stuff.

Um, so for those who don't know, BaseLang is a all you can eat Spanish language tutoring service, where you get unlimited one-on-one tutors, uh tutoring classes for 129 US dollars, which, you know, is pretty good. I they used to be 100, which I thought was ridiculously cheap. But now it's 129, which I think still is a good deal. But the big but is that you have to put in a lot of time with it before for that to make any sense.

Like, what I like about BaseLang is it's extremely easy to book lessons, the teachers are extremely um energetic and happy, and since it's a company, they have more, you know, the teachers are more responsible in a way. Whereas on iTalki, if you have a bad teacher, you know, you can't really do anything because iTalki is not policing their tutors. So, anyone can tutor on iTalki. If you're not happy, you can leave a review, and eventually, you know, that tutor probably wouldn't teach there anymore because they don't get any students with one star or whatever.

But on BaseLang, they were the teachers would get fired if they're not good enough. And that really, I think, gives you a better product at the end, and it's more organized. And it's actually easier just to pay $129 up front, and then just schedule as many classes as you want, and they're really serious about that. You can schedule as many as you want. Uh, it was funny in the email I got, they said, "Yeah, you can do as many as you want, but we recommend you only take three hours in a row just to give the tutor a little break." Can you imagine that doing like eight hours in a row just completely hoarse throat like? So, you can do as much as you want.

So, I would say BaseLang is for really serious people who have a lot of time to study Spanish and perhaps would like to do it faster, because the you know, you can you can literally do like five hours a day if you wanted to, and that would get you to fluency extremely quickly. Of course, it will be extremely tiring as well. But, you know, the the value of having unlimited lessons, they follow a curriculum, they have that responsibility to the company. Um, I think really puts BaseLang really high up in my rankings.

And like I said, I am a partner of BaseLang. So, this is slightly biased, but I've I've had several talks with the founder, Conor, and his vision's really aligned with what I really believe in. And they probably told their feedback. So, you can go in and check it out. They have, uh, I think it's a 30-day trial, so if you don't like it, you get your money back and $20 extra. So, I didn't mean for this to be a plug of BaseLang or anything, but if you do want to check out BaseLang, I would recommend you go to actualfluency.com/baselang to get a $10 discount on your first month, which is um, an exclusive little bonus there.

And so, that's what I want to say is that you shouldn't worry about bandwidth and electrical power in Venezuela because these are very, you know, they're these are very rare occurrences. And and of course, uh the company BaseLang as a whole are making steps to try and minimize these downtimes. And the fact that the website was down when you checked it out, is unfortunate, but they just updated. So, they offer now real life tutoring, and they also offer DELF preparation. So, if you want to pass the DELF exam, you they have a sort of a specialized track of a curriculum for that. So, again, if you want to check that out, actualfluency.com/baselang.

Um, if you don't have the time or you don't have the um, or you just don't want to take many hours, uh of tutoring and you're not really in a rush to learn anything, then iTalki does offer a wide variety of teachers. You can it'll also be uh you can pay as much as you want. So, let's say you want to just talk to someone, then you can take the cheapest tutor because you know, everyone can speak. Uh but if you want something explained really well, like a grammatical thing or something, you can buy a more expensive tutor, like somebody who has university experience teaching or whatever, you know, you have flexibility.

Whereas BaseLang is more intended on just powering through and, you know, they have kind of the same training for all their teachers. So, you know, you just get a lot of lessons, you get fluent really fast, it's a good quality product at a very affordable price if you take advantage of it. If you don't take advantage of the unlimited concept, then I would say iTalki is better.

And uh, that's what I wanted to say about Spanish. I'm currently doing Spanish myself, not doing tutoring at the moment. I really should. Uh, I have a BaseLang subscription, but I just now right now I'm not feeling it. I I I I'm trying to learn just a few words, a bit of a few sentences to um, basically be able to do tutoring, because I think you need a little bit before you start, but it's not a lot. And you can definitely start without anything, but for me, I'm kind of shy, I'm kind of introverted. I would like to have a bit more ammo to use with my tutors.

So, I hope that answered your question and regardless of whether you go with BaseLang or iTalki, I'm sure Verbling is fine too, I just never tried it. Uh regardless of what you go with, you can't really go wrong. They're all good options. And uh, I'm sure you'll be fluent in Spanish very quickly. So, thank you so much for the email and great uh wishes and uh I'll see you in the next one.

This question comes from uh Sarah Lingotastic, and uh very nice person. And Sarah says, "Hi Chris, hope you have a lovely day. Alles Gutes zum Geburtstag." Yo-yo aniversari, yo-yo, don't speak very good French. Feliz cumpleaños. Don't speak very good Spanish either, but thank you for the multilingual message, I really appreciate it. "I have a random question for you. The French say pillow talk is the best way to learn a language. Which languages would your ideal partner speak? Love from Sarah and Mike."

And thank you for the question, Sarah and Mike. Uh, really love what you guys do and I've met Mike on a couple of occasions, and it's uh always very, very nice people. So, this is a good question, what would your ideal uh partner speak? And is pillow talk the best way to learn a language? Well, that wasn't the question, but I'm thinking aloud here.

I think that's true. I think that a lot of people um use this opportunity to learn the language of their partner or uh you know, as motivation to do so. For instance, uh one interview comes to mind, I can't remember the episode at all, but I think it was back in season one, I had Fabrizio Carrera on from Brazil, who found a a Russian girlfriend, and then they eventually got married, actually that was quite recently. And so, he learned Russian, and the motivation to speak to like the, you know, the grandparents and the parents-in-law and stuff, really motivated him, and he speaks fantastic Russian now. So, I think there is something to be said about it, definitely.

Um, I haven't tried it yet myself. Haven't had a foreign girlfriend yet. But I definitely would be open to the idea. And but in terms of what language, you know, I I I don't really care. I I don't I don't have a preference for any of the languages. I would say as long and I don't even mind if they speak English as a first language either. So, there you know, that that's kind of the boring answer to your question.

But I would say I love I would definitely really admire having a a girlfriend with a different native language, because I would just find it so amazing, and I would definitely learn that language. Um, so something like Russian or Hungarian or German or whatever. I'd really enjoy that because it would give me an opportunity or an excuse to improve that language or even learn that language. Uh, so I don't have an ideal one, unfortunately, but um, I I find the I I find it extremely uh uh nice when people can speak other languages, not just girlfriends, but also just friends in general, I find that very awesome.

So, sorry I couldn't nail down one specific language, but uh, any general language any language will do actually. It's just not Danish, that would be too boring, I think. I don't know. But uh, thanks for the question and uh, I hope to see you very soon.

This question comes from uh Paul, Paul Hallett, I think that's the way to say it. Uh, he says, "Hi Chris. I find it rather interesting that you seem to feel more at home in an English-speaking environment than in your native land and language. I know that your English is as good or better than your native language, but I'm always interested in the language/cultural/integration of a person when he or she moves to another country with a different language. As you have moved about in different countries, learning different languages, maybe you could speak about your perspective on this topic. I'm in the process of really thinking about moving from an English-speaking country to a foreign country. I'm at an intermediate level in the language of the foreign country and plan to be fully fluent by the time I start acquiring real estate in the new land."

So, Paul, thank you so much for the email. Uh, first of all, fantastic question. Uh, it's going to be tough for me to do the question any justice, but I'll do my best. Um, I will talk about my experience going to Hungary. Uh, oh, maybe I could start with my experience going to London when I was uh, a little bit younger, that was about five or six years ago.

And the good thing about a place like London, or I guess you could say the same for any big city, is that you have lots of different cultures. So, you'll never really feel like you stand out a lot. Like, living in New York or living in London, as as long as you have good English, people will never really suspect you of being a foreigner, actually, which is which is a nice kind of cover to be under. So, perhaps that's why the that question isn't so interesting.

But when I did move to Hungary, I was definitely standing out, and I would say that it was tough in a way to integrate because I wasn't as clever as you. So, I didn't know any Hungarian when I went there. Uh, you say that you have intermediate level, which is just amazing. Uh, I didn't have any knowledge of Hungarian when I went there because I didn't expect to go to live there. I just expected to be there on a week on holiday, but then I loved it so much that I stayed, uh, for a year and a half, actually.

And that brought about a lot of challenges because Hungarian is very difficult, and it's very unusual. So, I would love to have some kind of introduction. And today, I I highly recommend anyone who's going to live in a place for a significant amount of time to at least, at least learn the basics. Like, get to some kind of basic level where you can order food and you can talk about the weather or whatever, um, just general basic conversation. This doesn't take too long. You can do that in a couple of months, easy. Uh, but if you go with nothing, it's extremely difficult because you'll constantly feel like you're inadequate in the in the in the country.

And the problem I had in Hungary, and I think the problem that a lot of people are going to face in other countries that aren't so, let's say, culturally diverse like big cities, uh is the is a place like Budapest is very homogeneous, you know, there's lots I think the figure I heard was something like 97% are Hungarian. Which means that if you're not Hungarian, it's extremely easy to feel kind of outside, you feels like you're left out in a way. Um, luckily, Budapest is getting to be kind of a metropolis and an expat location. There's lots of holiday makers and and everything. So, it's not as kind of foreign. You know, there's lots of Western-style places. Um, so it's not too bad, but I definitely did feel a little bit outside at times, and it was very obvious I was the foreigner, which can put some pressure on you sometimes. It's sometimes it's very nice to to fly under the radar and and just like like be part of the the the society without people necessarily knowing that you're not one of them.

Um, so I did have some trouble integrating, and there's also the the cultural differences in in kind of the mindset and stuff, which I didn't really I I didn't align with the Hungarian way of doing. There's a great word, uh, diffident, which is uh, I heard Richard Ayu ID say when he was visiting, uh, Budapest for 48 hours, and it's just this idea that it's kind of a humility that stems from lack of self-confidence. And I think the Hungarian way is to be I don't know if lacking self-confidence is the right word or combination of words, but Hungary is extremely humble, and it's extremely there's always there's almost like a sport in being, you know, we're kind of the victims here, and very, very um, humble in a way. And I I I like that to a degree, but I like just at some point it just gets too much, you know, it's like you need to take credit for something sometimes.

So, um, for me it was tough, I would say, to integrate properly, and I think I would take maybe after years I wouldn't even integrate anyway. My my good friend Anthony talks about living in Prague for 10 plus years, and he was at a some kind of dinner function, where they you know, he speaks perfect Czech. But the kind of conversation eventually revolved around childhood cereals and cartoons. And as Anthony pointed out, no matter how good you are in a language, you're not going to get the full cultural package, you know.

I can I'm aware of only fools and horses, or old '70s, uh English TV shows because I've seen them, and because I like the humor and stuff, out of uh you know, just just a coincidence. But I don't know what cereals you could buy, or chocolate bars you could buy in England 30 years ago, or 20 years ago, whatever. Um, so in a way, we will never really be culturally integrated, I think, uh because there'll always be things that we'll be missing, even if we speak the language perfectly.

So, it can be tough to integrate, but I feel like as long as the culture that you're going to is not radically different, for instance, I find that the English culture can be quite similar to the Nordic countries as well. Uh although right now the English are going crazy about Hygge, this Danish word of actually it entered the dictionary in English, too. Uh so, this coziness or whatever the translation is. They are going crazy about that, but I think we're more similar than than assumed. Whereas Hungary is a little bit further away, a little bit more different, can can get tougher.

Um, so to kind of answer your question in a in a roundabout way, I think you've done the right thing about, uh, learning the language first, and the fact that you'll be very fluent will make your integration much easier and much faster. But depending how different the culture is to your own or where you came from, or or how you kind of feel, you know, I I I probably feel more English than Danish, but that doesn't really mean that you know, that doesn't mean that I have all the qualities of English culture within me. It doesn't mean that I, uh, you know, necessarily like or do everything that English people do. That's the beauty of of having sort of a multicultural life, or you can choose what you like.

But if you go to countries that are very different and have very different customs and and mentalities, then it will be hard to integrate, no matter what. Uh and you'll just find challenges that just kind of upset you. Uh another friend of mine, Alex Rawlings, went to Spain, and he he had amazing levels in Spanish, probably the highest level you could have. And he said he was still stumped once in a while because you you have to remember when you move to a new country, you have to deal with everything in the language. Like, uh especially non-English speaking language countries. So, he had to deal with some kind of tax question in Spanish, and he was just like so confused because the the terminology was just so different, and it's like what textbook or when would that ever come up, you know, learning about tax laws and stuff. So, it it makes you feel outside, and it can make kind of happiness tougher.

Um, but I think if you live in a big city, like London or New York or Paris and stuff, it'll be very hard to feel very isolated, uh because of because the culture is just so mixed, and there are so many many different ones that when you come in and you have an accent that's different from the locals, if you do, then they'll just assume you're a foreigner who moves here, you know, you're part of the the society. Whereas in other countries that are quite different, it sometimes it'll be very obvious that you are a foreigner, and that can be tough on you.

So, this was kind of a long and ranty way of answering that, but I would say it's tough, and I think you did the right thing by learning the language up front. And um, yeah, be be sure to try and socialize as much as possible in that language and with uh locals. So, you can kind of join in in a way, because if you start out by being the outsider, it can be a very tough um, reputation to shake off if not the least for yourself. So, I think you'll do well, Paul, but um, it can be tough depending on what the what the country is you're going to, of course. But uh, if you try to do as much as possible yourself in in order to improve integration, then I think you'll be just fine.

Uh, hey everyone, this is another question in the 29th birthday Q&A AMA extravaganza. And in this question, which is from Dave, who's one of the coolest people I know, honestly, he's a he's a great guy, and he's emailed me a couple of times before, and he also has a question at my talk in Montreal. So, Dave is an amazing cool guy. Dave, if you're listening to this, thank you so much for for being amazing. You're a great supporter, and um, yeah, I always love your emails.

So, Dave asks, like, what are the languages you know, and what levels are you in them? And that's a great question because it's it's not something that, you know, I have written anywhere. I don't think so, anyway. But it's also a great question because it's hard to define. You know, we try to define our language skills by these arbitrary A1, B1, C1, you know, A2, B2, C2 levels, framework of the European framework. If you're not familiar with it, it kind of uses some words to try and describe your level and put it in there.

The reason that these levels are extremely hard to explain is because the framework assumes that you're equally good in reading, writing, speaking, and listening. So, the four main areas of of language. And that's just not true for most people. Like, for instance, my German is uh mediocre in most categories, but it's absolutely awful in writing. So, I can't write to save my life in German, but I'd be able to have a conversation. So, you can say, well, your German writing is A1, and your German conversation is like B2. So, when you think about it, how are you supposed to then give one grade for German? Does that mean I'm like, I don't know, A2 and a half, or A1 and a half, like A2? Like what what grade would that go under? So, it's hard to say how good you are at the languages.

So, instead of like giving you the normal letters or numbers, I think I'll just describe it. So, Danish, of course, my native language, I'm completely confident speaking it, no problems there, understanding it also. Uh but in terms of writing, I'm definitely not perfect. I don't write very well academically in Danish. I can write blog style or like informal style, no problem, of course. But as soon as it the writing gets a little bit more uh highbrow, then I do struggle. So, there you go, I'm not maybe I'm not C2 in Danish writing.

English, uh speak it quite well, understand it quite well. Uh writing also quite well, but again, similarly to Danish, I don't have perfect English writing, but it's worse than Danish. So, my English writing is good for blogs and informal situations. Uh but as soon as I have to write something more professional, like a book, I really need to get some editing help just to get get rid of some of those beginner mistakes, or not even beginner mistakes, just general small mistakes that I make. Or sometimes in in my writing in in English, it's very redundant and kind of verbose. And so, I um, I need help to organize my thoughts sometimes, which is totally fine.

So, German, I can't write to save my life. I can speak it quite okay, like I can I can I can carry out a conversation in German with lots of mistakes in it, but people would understand what I'm trying to say, and I can I can kind of carry across meaning. I can do most business in German. I definitely understand almost everything said to me in German. My vocabulary is great. But uh production, very questionable.

And then we have Esperanto. Esperanto I'm just overall mediocre at. I can't write it to save my life. I can understand most of when people try to speak to me. Uh but I have big problems in production. If I brush up on it a little bit, I can definitely use it uh sort of okay with mistakes, and I can make myself understood, and I can participate in conversations, but it's not a a particularly high level at all.

Then we have Russian. Russian is um, I would say my my written Russian is almost non-existent. So, ignore that completely. I I can, you know, answer text messages and stuff, no problem. Uh but as soon as I need to write something cohesive, like a blog post, it's just impossible, and I I don't have any idea what to start. My spoken Russian is extremely limited. I would say I can kind of say the normal scripts, like where I'm from, uh, ask questions about people's lives, maybe order a coffee, pay the bill, you know, stuff basic admin stuff like this. But if you want me to have any serious conversation, I am completely useless.

My Russian listening is quite awful. Uh can I quickly lose uh track, especially when the verbs are concerned, uh when the verbs are longer, or they have suffixes or affixes, and they're kind of longer, then gets me to trouble. So, my listening is also questionable. Uh, I read it quite well, actually. I think I can get the meaning of articles and and stuff like that. And and I actually I'm not a terrible listener either, but I I have big gaps in my vocabulary, especially when it comes to these verbs, as I mentioned, which uh really slows down my comprehension.

Hungarian is just terrible. And uh, you know, I didn't expect much from going there. When I went to Hungary, I didn't know a single word. I didn't expect to live there. I only expected to stay there for a week. So, I didn't I hadn't prepared anything. I hadn't learned anything. And it took me like a long time to get into the swing of actually learning it because, um, the entire transition from living in Denmark to living in Hungary was very kind of it was not stressful per se, but it was just very different. It took a lot of mental energy to kind of get settled into a new routine, a new country, uh and then also learning the language.

But I slowly picked up the pace and I started to go through the colloquial book. I went through a lot of Memrise stuff, and uh I started having classes, which also helps. And uh suddenly I was using Hungarian to order my food. I was, you know, just basic very basic is the level that I'm at. Like, I can't write Hungarian at all. Um, you know, maybe basic text messages and stuff. I can read it a little bit, get like the general gist of what something is about, possibly. Um, if people speak slowly, I can understand basic stuff. But it's very touristy level, you know. So, I'm not very good at it at all.

And then you have Spanish and French. Uh, Spanish I just started, very bad at it, similar to my French, which I had in school ages ago, but I didn't really do anything with. The good thing about these languages is they have so many words in common with English, that even if you don't know anything in the language, you can still understand something, and you can use vocabulary that are cognates instead of uh pure, quote unquote, uh foreign words. And uh yeah, so that's that's basically it. Um, I can't say much in Spanish or French, but I understand quite a bit, and I can also read it somewhat. Like, without knowing every word, I can get the gist of an article and stuff.

Uh Norwegian and Swedish is kind of questionable. Uh like, I can understand most of the spoken language, and I can read most of the written language. But there are occasional breakdowns in communication where they use a different word, and I don't know the word, and then it's a key word in the sentence. So, communication breaks down. Um, but I would say I'm quite good at those languages. I can't write them, of course, I can't speak them either, which is again a a problem with this uh you know, classification of your skills. Because if you if you understand a language completely, but it's not able to produce anything of it, then what what is your level in that language? You can't say you're A0 because you can obviously understand a lot, but you can't speak any. So, or maybe you can speak some, but you don't know what parts of that language, you know, if I try to speak Swedish, I just put on kind of like an accent and and, you know, try to speak it like a Dane, but that that isn't really speaking Swedish. So, I guess I am A0 in that regard.

But anyway, I hope that kind of explained my levels, and these are also the languages that I want to make really good in the next year or so. Uh, at least the French and Spanish are languages that I want to learn this year, and the Russian and Hungarian are languages that I want to make improvements on this year and and keep improving. Like I said, my goal is to learn 10 languages in 10 years, and uh I've made it vague enough so that I don't need to be very good at those. But my sort of long-term plan is to be as good in my languages as I am in German. So, be able to speak and have conversations, but not be able to write necessarily. I mean, if I can get into it, I will, of course, and I'd love to be be able to write in those languages. But if I just get to a speaking level, that would be very, very, very, very nice. In 10 different languages. So, and Swedish and Norwegian are not counted in those 10, just FYI. I think that would be a little bit too easy. Um, but anyway, Dave, thank you so much for being uh who you are, and uh thank you for the the question. I hope you enjoyed it.

So, this email comes from uh Yanavi, who says, "Dear Kris, happy birthday." Thank you. "I was wondering, would you have any tips for me because I've been struggling to learn French at school, and I just can't seem to grasp the language. I was hoping to learn French, Italian, and Spanish over the years. However, now I'm not exactly sure I can."

Okay, Yanavi, the first thing you have to stop doing is to uh, you have to stop thinking that you cannot do something. So, shake it out your head, anyone can learn a language, no worries. You I assume you learn English because it's quite good. Um, perfect almost. And if you've done that, then French, Italian, and Spanish is easy for you. And if you're struggling, it could be because of other reasons. So, it doesn't have to do with the ability to do something, you know? Uh so, that's the first step, you can definitely learn French, Spanish, and Italian if you want to. No problems there.

The second thing is you say that you're struggling to learn at school. Now, school is very rarely the best environment to learn languages in. In fact, I wrote about that a few times that when you learn in school, basically you're there each class is at the level of the worst student. So, if you know a little bit, you might feel like every lesson takes like hours because, you know, learning anything new because, yeah, that terrible student in the corner keeps asking the same question over and over. Um, that's just one example.

The other example is that, you know, there are 30 students in a class, or 20, or 10, or whatever. And, you know, they don't multiply the teachers. So, the teacher attention is split among every student, meaning that in a sense of your 20 students in a class, then you're kind of getting 1/20th of a lesson because the teacher has to attend to everyone. Um, so learning a language in school is very hard, especially if your teacher is not very kind of supportive or motivational. Uh so, I would probably advise you to try and be more independent with your language learning, and just see the school teaching as a bit of a bonus or a bit of an extra learning. Because if you go into a French class in high school or whatever, wherever you're learning, assuming that you're just going to learn a language automatically, you're going to be really disappointed, and it might actually be harmful to your learning.

So, instead, I would I would say to you take those classes as a as a bonus. But be sure to study on your own time in using self-teaching methods, like, you know, a book. You can go to the local library and find a book on how to, uh, you know, a book on French. Could be Teach Yourself, could be whatever, uh could be Colloquial. Then you can try and find some audio resources, like French Pod 101 is quite popular. Or you could go on YouTube, type in easy French. Uh you can go on uh Fluenz, which has a lot of videos in French. Uh basically there are so many resources for you to learn the language yourself. But you have to put in the time, and you have to kind of take responsibility for your own learning instead of assuming that you can just show up to some class and then learn the language.

Uh but it's extremely important that you believe in yourself and and trust me when I say anyone can truly learn a language. It's there's nothing limiting anyone from learning a language, unless they've had, you know, significant brain injuries, in which case they probably still learn the language. So, if anyone can learn a language, then so can you.

And I think from what you're obviously I don't have much information about you, but if you if you're saying that you're struggling to learn French at school, well, don't learn French at school. Just learn it at home with your self-teaching methods. If you, you know, if you want more recommendations on on methods that you can use, apart from the ones I mentioned, be free send me another mail, and I'll be happy to recommend you. Uh point you in the right direction.

Uh and then take these classes as just extra immersion and or extra kind of free learning that doesn't really you're learning doesn't depend on it, but it's just there for for bonus sake. So, that's what I would do, get a good self-study course. Michel Thomas is fantastic, the audio course. Um, you really feel like you make a lot of progress really fast. You can try Teach Yourself the book or Colloquial, uh one of these self-study books that also has the audio with it.

And then at some point I would recommend that you get tutoring, so just a personal one-on-one tutoring. Uh, if you have the money for it. Otherwise, you can do language exchanges where you start to practice with people and you take your native language and you trade it for for French or the other languages that you want to learn. And apps like uh HelloTalk, HiNative, um Tandem. These apps for your phone can be really useful free tools to uh learn more French with native speakers.

So, that's the uh that's the conclusion, Yanavi. Thank you so much for your email. I know your French is going to go better, but uh you have to believe in yourself, you know. Uh, you can do it. I I believe you. And take responsibility. You know, be your own learner and take those classes as just a bit of a bonus on the side. Or opportunities to ask the teacher questions that have come up in your own studying. I really think this is the most efficient way of doing it, unless you have an extremely good uh teaching environment or learning environment. You know, there are some teachers who are completely amazing. And um they manage to make environments where people learn really quickly. Unfortunately, most teachers are not like that, so we have to be responsible for our own learning, which is also fastest, that's fine.

The last resource I'll mention is something like Memrise. They have a French course with uh video of native speakers. I find that very useful. And it's kind of like, um, uh space repetition. So, it's very simple to do and you will learn a lot of French uh quite quickly. So, best of luck learning French and like I said, if you have any more questions or you want any point in the right direction regarding resources, uh don't hesitate to uh send me another email. I'll be happy to uh So, thank you for the email.

The question is, do you ever get the feeling you're not pro and it's from D. Baldini. Not sure about that name, where it comes from. But do you ever get the feeling you're not progressing in a language, no matter how much time you spend studying it? If yes, how do you go about it? If I I get this a lot, and on the long run, it affects my motivation.

Uh so, Yes, I definitely get that feeling. And I actually wrote quite a sizable uh chapter on this in my language routine program, called Language Motivation Mastery. So, if you're kind of struggling with this, I I I say go check that out at um languagemotivationmastery.com.

But the thing the the thing I would say is that the more time you spend learning a language, the more time you need to spend to learn a language, if that makes any sense. So, basically the first the more you know in a language, the longer it takes to add to that. It's kind of a a tricky um exponential function in a way. Uh because, I I guess this is the example I used in the in the course. If you know a word, one foreign word in a language, you that's basically 100% of your vocabulary. If you have if you know 100 words, then adding an extra one is just adding 1% to your vocabulary. So, the first word you learned is 100%. The next one will be 50%, and so on and so forth. So, when you get to 100 words, which is not very many, you know, you can learn 100 words in a week, for sure. Then every new word you add is just 1%. And then it becomes tough for the brain because the improvement seems so um, it seems so minute, it seems like such a tiny improvement, right?

And also, we are biased because we don't really understand what it takes to learn a language, because learning a language is not this is not just learning vocabulary. And learning a language is not just you have to do X, Y, and Z and then you speak Greek or whatever. Um, it's about it's a whole kind of I I sometimes use the analogy jigsaw puzzle where if you imagine the foreign language as a huge jigsaw puzzle, then somebody who's absolutely perfect in the language, which is not possible. Like, it's I I hate saying that, but it's just not possible. There's no way you can know everything in a language. The human mind is just not capable of of knowing that much information. Because if you know English, there's like 200 or 300,000 words, and we use only a fraction of that every day. So, if you had to learn everything, I don't think that's possible.

But imagine in a theoretical setting that the jigsaw puzzle comprises everything about the language. So, vocabulary, grammar, uh pronunciation, everything. Every time you learn something, you add a piece to the puzzle, like, or maybe a part of a piece even, like you have to combine the piece first. But you add a piece to the puzzle. And when you put down the first piece, like I said before, it makes up a huge difference for you. So, for instance, when you learn how to say my name is and you go down and you say that to somebody who speaks that language, they'll be really amazed and you get a huge benefit from that, and you can really feel, wow, I suddenly speak something in French or Greek or whatever. But once you know how to say a lot of those sentences, adding another one doesn't feel like a huge improvement, even though it's the same improvement as initially. It's exactly the same improvement as when you started. So, I think there's a mental bias going on.

Um, has to be said, there is a possibility that you could stagnate as well. Uh a common example of stagnation I see and I also suffered from was, um, when I did tutoring lessons in Russian, I would do tutoring with the same tutor every week, and we would have basically the exact same conversation. So, you might be tricked into believing that you're making a lot of progress, but in reality, when you look back, you're just thinking, well, we just had that exact same conversation, like the same questions, we talk about the same things. And you might see this with your friends, like, your conversations will include many of the same words, and you'll talk about the similar topics. So, the progress isn't as visible because you feel like, oh, yeah, I said this last week, you know, it's nothing special.

Um, and if that happens, I think the best way to do, if you feel like you're really stagnated, I think the best is to mix it up a bit. Try some other methods, read a book, or watch some YouTube videos, or just do something different that you've been doing until now. And if you need it, take a little break, you know, sometimes I feel like the biggest improvements I've made in language learning have come from taking a step back and just not doing anything with the language, and then something happens in the brain, I don't know how it works, and it just kind of distills in your brain. So, that would be my tip for uh, for for just breaking out of that. But the first point is that you might not be you might not be stagnating, it just that's just the nature of learning a language, that sometimes you feel like you're progressing really quickly, and sometimes you feel stuck. But if you keep kind of putting placing stuff in your brain, if you keep adding stuff, then you will learn, you will improve. So, I hope that helped. And uh, best of luck with it, and uh, thank you for the question.

Hey everyone, thank you so much for listening to this special Q&A episode. So, these were just the questions I was able to fit in the about an hour the episode takes, so around 10 questions. But I got many more questions. So, if you want to go check them out, I've listed all of them individually on actualfluency.com/ama, which links to the episode of this post, or the post of this episode, rather. And it also has the bonus questions individually listed below. So, if you want to go and check those out, you can listen to the extended edition. So, thank you so much for checking out this episode and for sending me questions, and see you next week for a new actual Fluency podcast episode.